Hard days with my horse remain as the most difficult part of my life. Having an older, experienced horse does not free me from the days when I am choking down tears. I feel stupid. Crying over the fact that my horse will not pay attention or cannot climb up out of her lazy attitude to put any effort into what we are doing.
A lesson remains visible in these situations, however. Nothing is perfect. I cannot go out to the barn and expect my horse to perform like an angel every single day. If anything, I am most likely the one that carried the issues out to my horse. Horses pick up on emotions and if I am having a difficult day it remains as the better choice to just groom her or go for a walk instead of doing ground work (of course if I have some type of ranch job later in life I will have to stay mature enough to keep control of my feelings). Taking emotional baggage to the barn on any given day can create a more frustrating situation then one intended. Now, I remind myself not to try a new groundwork routine or go for a ride if I cannot demonstrate patience if my horse gets pushy and I only want to relax. I do not get angry with my horse. I just find myself feeling like the world crashes in on my already frazzled nerves. My sentence above gives a good example of an actual day when I brought my emotions to my horse and said- "Here. Deal with me. Perform perfectly in the hottest part of the day."
Initially, I tried lunging (having a horse on a long rope and asking them to move in a circle in front of the individual) my horse and she kept moving her hip towards me in general distaste to the fact I was working with her (in essence she was blocking me out of the circle I wanted her to work in). Additionally, it was a hot afternoon and Myria's irritation increased with the added factor of biting flies.
I continually strive to better myself as a horse person. However, I am young and find it harder to stuff my emotions somewhere else until I am through working with my horse. I admire all those that walk out to the barn and leave their bad days somewhere else, especially horse trainers who can maintain a tender outlook when they work with a horse. I have decided that the best course of action when I am having a hard day and I want to go out to the barn remains as the decision to just groom, walk, or ride my horse in an enclosed area and only work on things that I know we can accomplish even on the worst days.
Moreover another useful experience reaches through the difficult horse days. One should not take their frustration out on other people in life either. If I am dealing with issues I do not want to bring my anxiety to my equine friend or any of my other friends and family. I have taken the lesson of not bringing my junk to the barn as seriously as not taking it to my friends. That does not mean that I cannot share what I might be dealing with to my friends. It just means I do not say- "Here. Deal with me. No, I do not want to hear about your bad day. How about we talk about my life instead." I struggle with the "no frustration to the barn" lesson frequently. It remains hard for me to keep up with not letting emotions rule my horse or family life. If nothing else horses, family, and friends offer a shoulder to cry on when one needs it most. I am fortunate to have all three of the shoulders at my disposal whether I choose to show my emotions or not.
